I’m Finally Alive | Finding My Purpose

“Jack of all trades, master of none”

My mom has often reminded me to enhance a skill rather than trying to excel in many fields.

I ventured in many fields- science, fashion, fitness, art, blogging, music, business. All of which seemed to be fairly good. But I still did not excel in any of them. I was still a jack of all trades, and master of none.  Truth is, I wasn’t really trying to be good in everything. I was trying to know where I was good at, where I was supposed to be. I had no core and had no specific drive. I was just out there trying to figure myself out. Who am I? What am I supposed to do in this life? What’s my purpose? Do I even have a purpose?

But, who would know the answer to all of that? I spent 20 years of my life trying to find out. I tried asking myself. I tried asking the world. No one knew. And then, I found the answer. The One who knows me, is the One who created me. The One who carefully thought of me, planned me, designed me. He Who carefully designed my abilities, my limitations, my strengths, and my weaknesses. I decided to ask my Creator, “what’s my purpose? Why did you make me?”

I have always loved writing. From diaries, to multiply, to tumblr, to blogspot, to wordpress, to facebook. I basically blogged my life through. Hahaha! But I didn’t know the impact of simply expressing my heart and sharing my experiences would make. Early in 2017, I have found myself more drawn into writing. I didn’t know that my story could be God’s medium in reaching a specific platform- the youth; especially young moms. I’ve always been determined to keep on sharing as a part of my “hobby”, or whenever I time to spare. But then, while praying, God revealed something to me.

“I want you to keep on sharing all of My work in your life and make a difference”

I prayed about it with my husband, and committed to the Lord. I will be writing when I have free time. Because I have to study, finish my degree, get myself a good paying job. That was my goal: get a high paying job, and then maybe write, explore fitness, venture fashion, and try business on the sideline. You know, when I have the free time. I kept myself at the center, and God’s calling on the sideline.

Until I came across a book called, The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. It’s a book that challenges you to read it for 40 days- a chapter each day. And to deeply reflect on each chapter daily. The book is meant to be personalized, highlighted, and written on. One book can be read by millions of people and create millions of unique realizations. I ended my 40 days commitment to this book at the end of 2017. I want to share so much with you, but I think you should definitely get yourself a copy and find out yourself. Hehe.

IMG_9005.JPG

However, I will be sharing how this book helped me personally in discovering more of myself and God’s purpose on creating me. Ever since I finished this book, I have been so determined to set the path of my life for my purpose. I finally have a sense of living and not just existing.

My task: to discover what I am here for

God carefully designed me, as well as all the human on Earth. He thought of us well, and it was definitely not an accident that God has chosen our parents with the perfect set of genes to create “us”. To create the exact strengths and weaknesses that we have.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,  I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

IMG_9008

We are all driven by something– whether it’s good or bad, a person is always driven by something. My drive used to be guilt, fear, materialism, and approval of others. I used to be a prisoner of my past and the harder I tried to make things straight, the more I find myself dwelling in what has already been done. Worse, I have been punishing myself. Making things right was good, my purpose on making it right wasn’t. “You’ve been a very horrible person, you have to keep paying for it” was my mindset, when it should have been “God has saved you and made you new, He has the ability to turn your life around, just keep on surrendering. He saved you because He loves you and you matter to Him”. I also feared failure. What if I don’t get a good job? Maybe after graduation, I should immediately migrate to be a laboratory scientist with a generous amount of  pay? What would I provide my family with? What if after all this, I would still be a failure? I have also been very worried of the material things. I “need” a job that would enable me to build a big house, a job that would feed my wants, a job that will help me travel the world, a job that would enable me to help my parents retire, a job that will keep me secured. When the truth is, the only security there is, is security in the Lord. No job can promise a fulfilling life. Some people work extravagantly and feel empty, some people work humbly and feel very accomplished. If I keep on putting my security on income, I would never be satisfied. The hardest for me was the opinion of others. I didn’t want others to think that my life has become such a waste because I have been pregnant in an early age. “She would have been a doctor if she didn’t go down that path”. I wanted to have a career title that would shut out those who hate on me, and would restore the pride that my family possibly lost when I disappointed them. I was driven by many negative things. I tried so hard to be good in the eyes of the world. But at the end of the day, it still didn’t feel enough.

“If you want your life to have an impact, focus it! Stop dabbling. Stop trying to do it all. Do less. Prune away even good activities and do only that which matters most. Never confuse activity with productivity. You can busy without a purpose, but what’s the point” page 36, PDL

I had to be driven by something good. I was determined to make it my life goal to live for the Lord. But I still kept asking Him, “but what is it that You really want me to do? How can I do it when I don’t know what I am here for? Can you be more specific, please?”

Our first most important task is to discover why we are here.

I had to give my all

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ Matthew 22:37

He wants it all. Not half, not almost full. And there I realized, that I haven’t really been giving Him my all. I haven’t been trusting Him when He calls me. I usually respond with, “Okay Lord, but I have to do this first to secure my future. I promise I’ll do that later.” But trusting the Lord means having faith that He knows what is best for me. He will secure my future. When God called me to blog, I said yes in a condition where I have to do other things first and just give my spare time, and what ever energy is left in me. However, true obedience is complete and exact. Delayed obedience is still disobedience. When I asked the Lord to wait for me to finish accomplishing my own goals  before I accomplish His mission for me, I already disobeyed. Partial obedience is also disobedience. I do blog, I do reach out to young girls- sometimes. There is still plenty of room for me to give my best. And that too, is still disobedience. Sometimes, we don’t understand why God calls us or why He makes us do certain things. But it’s not a reason to disobey.

“God doesn’t owe you an explanation or reason for everything he asks you to do. Understanding can wait, but obedience can’t. …. In fact, you will never understand some commands until you obey them first. Obedience unlocks understanding” page 74, PDL

Is God commanding you to do something? Is this disobedience causing you to be hindered from claiming your blessings? Are your fists clenched so tightly on holding on to something that you should be letting go of? Or are you afraid to take risks?

Knowing and understanding my SHAPE

Day after day, I came to know more of myself and my Creator. I finally understood that God’s purpose for me is to be me.

“You don’t bring glory or pleasure to God by hiding your abilities or by trying to be someone else. You only bring him enjoyment by being you. Anytime you reject a part of yourself, you are rejecting God’s wisdom and sovereignty in creating you” page 76, PDL

IMG_9007

God SHAPEd us. He has carefully chosen our spiritual gifts, heart, abilities, personalities, and experience. All of us are shaped uniquely- no one is exactly alike. I will give the book’s simple definition of each, then I will share about finding out my personal shape and how this 40-day journey has confirmed my purpose in life.

Spiritual gifts are special God-empowered abilities for serving him that are given only to believers. Spiritual gifts are not given for our own benefits but for the benefit of others, just as other people were given gifts for our benefits. Heart is the bundle of desires, hopes, interest, ambitions, dreams, and affections we have. Our hearts reveal the real us- what we truly are, not what others think we are or what circumstances force us to be. Abilities are natural talents we were born with. We all have abilities. There are no unspiritual abilities, just misused or unused ones. Personality will affect how and where we will use our spiritual gifts and abilities. Experiences also help shape us. God allowed good and bad experiences in our lives for his purpose of molding us. God can use all of our experiences for his glory. God never wastes a hurt. Our greatest ministry will most likely come from our greatest pain.

My Spiritual Gift

A couple of months ago, a special person has revealed to me that he sees gift of healing in me. I didn’t understand this at first but he continued to explain, “others feel comfort talking to you, and hearing from you sometimes help them heal”. I am still working around getting to know more of my spiritual gifts and how I can properly use them to give glory to God and not to myself.

Heart

Do you know what makes my heart race? It’s when I am able to share God’s work in my life. It’s when I get the privilege of getting to know someone’s heart. It’s when I get the honor of going through life with someone. When I write, when I create, when I connect with others, it makes my heart beat really fast. Sharing is really a big part of my heart- whether it be about marriage, parenting, fitness, fashion. Do you know what makes my heart ache? Teenage pregnancy, broken families, lost of sense of worth. I feel pain for those who are/have been going through the same pain as I did. I have a burden in my heart to go through life with them. And these interests, these things that make my heart race and ache, they are not self-developed, they are God given. I learned to never ignore or belittle what is placed in my heart. There’s a reason why my heart beats this way. This is a part of who I am and why I am here.

Abilities

I am not excellent when it comes to grammar, but I can say that I do quite well in communication. I like writing, reading, and speaking. I haven’t used this ability enough and believed in my abilities enough. That’s why when I filled up forms for college applications, I had to look away from any communications courses. Because people say it won’t pay the bills. I wanted to be someone else. Almost as if saying, “Lord, I think you made a mistake. This is how you should have made me.” But then I find myself so stressed and really struggling to change my shape. But whenever I create and share, it always feel so fulfilling and natural. I have a lot of areas to improve on, but it really makes me feel so…. alive. There’s still a lot of work that needs to be done when it comes to my abilities, but at least I know where I should be putting my energy now. Hehe.

Personality

I am the type to talk and reach out to people. I don’t usually have troubles entering in a class filled with new faces and just start building up  conversation. I love getting to know others. I love making friends! Hehe.

Experiences

This has been my great burden for the past few weeks. I thought I was already okay. But somehow, the pain of being born in a broken family has been creeping in, even more painful than before. I kept asking the Lord, “why? Why couldn’t I be normal? Why not a complete and simple family? Why did you allow me to go down this path? Why did I disappoint my parents? Lord, make me understand why you’ve allowed this to happen. Why you’ve allowed this pain”.

Because of the pain I had in my heart from being born into a broken family, my desire to have a simple and complete family has intensified. If not for this pain, I wouldn’t have this much passion in surrendering my own family to the Lord and reaching out to fellow young parents who are at the verge of being broken apart. If I didn’t experiences the consequences of teenage pregnancy, I wouldn’t be able to minister to young moms online who need help and support. I never knew how much fellow teenage moms needed love, support, and guidance. We, teenage moms, are young and still learning more of ourselves when suddenly, we have to start being responsible for another life. Without proper guidance, we often find ourselves more lost. When we lose ourselves, our children tend to be the ones to suffer more. This much pain was allowed in my life so that I could reach out to those who are going through the same pain.

He wanted to use them. God never wastes a heartbreak and a single drop of tear. But for God to be able to use them, I must be willing to share them instead of hiding them in the dark. The more I admit my shortcomings, my fears, my failures, my faults, the more God is able to use me.

“People are always more encouraged when we share how God’s grace helped us in weakness than when we brag about our strengths” page 245, PDL

Therefore , I have decided to use my pain to help others. I decided not to let a single drop of tear by keeping it to myself. I have decided to share all of God’s work in my life. That way, no pain will ever have to go to waste. My pain can be the lesson of others.

And that… is my SHAPE.

My purpose and commitment to it

Before 2018 started, I wrote my Life Purpose Statement on my journal. And I have made the promise that I will keep using my shape for the Lord. There also must be a reason why He permitted me to take a course in the field of science when my abilities lean more on communications. I am very excited to discover that.

But for now, I am more than excited to pursue the rest of my life with motivation and purpose. My goal this year is to practice discipline, endurance, and consistency in enhancing my abilities and shape. Even though my calling is clear to me now, it wouldn’t be very effective unless I work for it.

So, I will dedicate this year in pursuing God’s purpose for me and improving in this field. Hehehe.

That’s it, guys. That’s how I discovered my purpose in this world. That’s how I found my motivation and my purpose. This post is not enough to share all that I have learned, so I am challenging you to also take on the 40-day journey and ask the One who designed you why you were created. The book has been best seller world wide which means it would also be easy for you to get your hands on them. They’re also sold at a reasonable price- PHP 375. Hehe.

Finding out my purpose has greatly changed how I view my life. And I am excited for you to find out yours, too. If you already have, then that’s really amazing! You can still read the book and find out ways how you can use them or enhance them.

If you’ve already read the book, how did it go? Anything you want to share? I would really love to hear from you.

Have a great year ahead!

Love,

Treszka

9 Comments Add yours

  1. Cza says:

    I’m the same actually — from a very early age, I was praised by other people for my talents, but deep inside I questioned myself because I didn’t really know what I was good for. I appeared in TV commercials for a milk brand and got known for that (for a while), but i didn’t feel like I deserved to be there because I didn’t think I had a “real” talent, just numbers to describe me. As I grew older, and the strength of those numbers wore off, it became harder for me to live. I lived in a state of being constantly fearful and depressed. I even gave up excelling, for fear that I could never measure up to the bar I myself had set at a time when I was very young and innocent. It took many years for me to realize what I was doing and to take gradual steps to be able to rise up again and find meaning in life, beyond the things I was capable of, beyond achievements. Looking back, I had made many decisions out of anger which brought me to where I am now. If I were to live my life again I might not have done things that way, but at this point I am grateful for the lessons. Maybe God made me the way I am, and allowed me to through all those challenges so I can learn, and become the much stronger person I am right now. Like you, I also questioned my place in the world constantly — an angry decision led me to science high school where I spent four miserable years, wondering what I was doing there. I felt so out of place as the artist among people of science. Then, when I got to college, I shifted majors a lot because I couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was that I really wanted to do. Then I finally found myself in broadcast communication, and even though it wasn’t exactly rainbows and butterflies either, and I was still far from the “achiever” I used to be when I was younger, I stayed committed to the path. I’m also really thankful to my partner who helped me stick, and see the good beyond the challenges.

    Now, looking back, I realize that I can choose to regret the years I spent making mistakes, or I can choose to see them as a transformative experience that I had to go through. I still have a long way to go, and I still have a lot of questions. It is a very stressful point in my life, with my mom being on her 3rd bout of lymphoma (but opting for natural therapy instead), and the prospect of independence now that my best friend and partner of four years and I are contemplating marriage. As I go along, I know I need to trust God and surrender to His plans, knowing that He is looking after me as I make every decision.

    Wow, sorry I’m rambling. Thanks to this post, I managed to make all these realizations. ❤️ You are such a blessing to share your life stories in a very heartfelt and relatable way, Treszka. Stay awesome! 🙂

    Like

  2. I have also always loved writing and somone like you reminded me recently that my writing is a healing ministry. keep writing

    Like

    1. Hiii! I’m glad it helped. Keep pursuing what’s in your heart! ❤

      Like

  3. eveemilie says:

    I loved reading about your journey towards self discovery and purpose through The Purpose Drive Life. Currently I am looking for ways to strengthen my own faith and this book looks like a way to not only do that but to learn more about myself as well. Definitely purchasing. Thank you for sharing!

    Like

    1. Heyyy, I am really glad it helped! Let me know how it goes, I’d love to hear from you and your journey through it. ❤ 🙂

      Like

  4. Really enjoyed your sharing. Thank you💖

    Like

    1. Heyyy thank youuu 💜

      Like

  5. shawn Principe says:

    I Really Appreciate How God’ is GREAT and I’m very thankful i see your Blog It’s a big Thank’s From Above Almighty Father 🙂 and this Blessing i see this Wonderful Blog make’s me Breathe to life. Thanks to You 🙂

    Like

    1. Hiii! Thank you so much! God bless you!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s