A Letter to My Younger Self

Dear Treszka,

You’re confused again, aren’t you? You’ve searched the world for love but even after finding relationships… you still feel empty. I know how hard it is to twist and turn in the middle of the night thinking to yourself, “How did I get here? Why do I let myself stay here? Why am I letting myself get treated this way?”. You want to get out, but you’re too afraid to set yourself out to the unknown. You’re scared of risks, of loneliness, of not knowing what’s going to come. So instead, you stay where you are and you bear what you think you deserve. You don’t have peace. At day time you work hard for what you think is “love” while at night, you can’t sleep in fear of betrayal, in doubt that maybe you’re not doing good enough, in worry that you might end up being alone someday. You try to be happy but you know that honestly, you are not. You have a gap in your heart and no matter what you do and where you go, nothing seems to fill it. Nothing seems to make you feel whole.

Since I know you best because I was once you, I want to let you know that even the heartbreak you are feeling now will count. God will never let it go to waste and he can use your broken heart for His glory. Every drop of tear you have shed will be turned into a page of a book dedicated to young girls like you. I know you won’t understand this yet but just take my words and never forget them. Your life can be used for God’s glory. Your mistakes and how you learned from them will be used as a light in this dark world.

My dear, your worth is not in your relationship. Even if after a few years you get married to the right man, your worth still won’t be dependent on him. Whether your partner is a good man or not, your worth is solely based on who God says you are, and He clearly said: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1

You are His princess, His beloved, His daughter. Nothing in this world can ever change that. You may not deserve it right now, in fact, you won’t ever deserve it. You’ll always have shortcomings. But that’s how much God loves you. He has and always will love you even in your most undeserving moments. You are worth so much, that He has died for you, that He is willing to do whatever it takes to free you from the chains that bind you.

You are meant to fly. He made you for greater things, things you can’t fulfill if you have your heart and soul tied up to toxic relationships.

You think you can’t do things alone. You think you aren’t strong enough to endure trials. You think you need a man in your life to make you feel complete. But you don’t. You can do beautiful things, you can do the things you’ve never done before, not because of who you are but because of who your Father is.

Your scars, your shame, and your failures will soon be used as a testimony of His love if you let Him.

If this tiny bit of happiness amidst the darkness of this “wrong love” felt enough to sustain you, imagine what the “right love” can do. This is something I can promise you because I am already here, I am already enjoying the bountiful blessings of His promise. I promise you that the “right love” will come and God will bless your relationship

If wrong love tells you to stay where you are, right love will soon tell you “go out there, discover the beauty of life and I’ll be right here waiting”. If wrong love tells you that you are being over dramatic, right love will see your ability to feel as strength. If wrong love gives you the world, right love will lead you to the Lord of heaven. Right love will love even the ugliest parts of you, right love will be a glimpse of God’s love for you. Right love will sometimes hurt you, but right love is always accountable to your Father. Because of this, right love will know how to make it up to you. He will know how to treat you. Right love will never make you feel less than who you are.

Exciting, isn’t it? The thought of being healed, the thought of being able to stand on your own, the thought of being used for God’s glory, and the thought of having the right love can be invigorating. However, there’s one thing you have to do.

You have to jump into the unknown. You have to let go of whatever makes you feel less. You have to cut the chains that keeps you enslaved- all relationships and bad habits that are dragging you down. You have to see the reality that you can’t save anyone when even yourself has not been saved. You’re not really saving anyone right now, you’re sinking with him. You have to accept that God has plans for you both APART.

You have to trust that God knows what is best even if the best for you right now will hurt for a while. You have to endure the painful process of moving on. You have to be patient during the process. Breaking chains is not easy, especially when we are the ones who tied them around ourselves. The process that you will go through will feel like it’s heart breaking but it’s not, it’s actually heart making.

You heart will be replaced.

God loves you even if you’re broken, and He will continue to love you and always be there for you as you go through the trials of your life. He will make everything new for you. He will show you what’s life like when He is in the center. He will immerse you in His love.

And soon, He will place a man in your life. A man who despite his human nature, will do his best to love you just as the Lord does. A man who will treat you with great respect, gentleness, love, and care. A man who is perfectly imperfect. A man who God chose to love you… and be loved by you. The kind of love that is not broken, shattered, or just the “left overs”. You will experience the kind of love that is sincere and whole; the love that is inspired and guided by God’s own unconditional love.

It might be hard for you to believe now, and maybe you’re still scared. But as I write this letter, right love is cheering you on. In fact, he has a short letter he personally wrote for you. Here it is:

To the younger Treszka, I really you hope that you someday find the love that you are looking for in me. I will not be a perfect husband, but I will give you my best to show you how much I love you. I will do my best to make you happy. I will be irritating at times and sometimes I might get cranky, but I will always be there to listen to you when you need of someone to talk to. I may not be able to give you the best advice, but I will always be there when you need me. Your past may hurt but I will make sure that your past will not happen again. I love you so much.

Who could this right love be? Haha. It’s the person you least expect. That’s for me to know, and for you to find out.

This right love will love you… all of you. Who you were, who you are, and who you will be. He won’t simply accept you, he will love each and every part of you.

I’m ending this letter here. You are a woman of great strength and whose soul yearns for beautiful things, you are much more than who the world says you are. You will soon bloom into the woman God designed you to be.

Take heart, my love. Beautiful things are about to happen.

 

Love,

Older, Stronger, and Wiser You (hehe)

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Benardchinua says:

    I like your letter. Sometimes I do talk to myself as well. Huh
    Chinua…

    Like

    1. Hi! Thank you so much. 🙂

      Like

      1. Benardchinua says:

        Welcome.
        Chinua…

        Like

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